The bears book 1
teh bear's the book # 1 the pilot PROLOGUE: Once upon a time there were 2 bears in a toy store called joy life. there dad peter was an ocelot with a boner tail "snicker snicker" the first bear's name was: boris and the second one's name was ignacias "wah ha ha hanha ha" & thay stept in shit ew and the next day thay got eaten by a real bear and than pooped out. and the next day thay where testing alchahol. thay tested wiski but thay think it is pee & than thay gave it to there sister matt the stufft rabit & it was wiski but then one of the bears tested it & was pee. and then thay gave wine to there sister mathew & it was wine & one of the bears tested it and it was blood. and then thay gave beer to there sister matty & it was beer & than their sister mattington tested it & it was a mix of poop & pee. fuzy wuzy was a bear fuzy wuzy had no hair fuzy wuzy was not fuzy was he. and then they ate their honey sandwicthes yummy and they dropped it on the floor and mr what what ate it and pooped it out and then he said what? what? and the bears screamed their heads off and rode away on baloons too the arctic and a polar bear ate them but not really they went back to america. eventually they found some poo and decided it was good to eat. END OF PROLOGUE: the the ocelot dad said i cant see through my tail!!! & boris bear said wwwwuuuuhhh!!!!!! i stept on a thumb tack & peter stept in poop & said eh eh eh eh eh eh & ignacias ate a wipe boris ordered a new toy it was called hokey pokey elmo so they stared at it for a few minutes... okay hours then they got some gasoline and matches aand viola! elmo said stick your right foot in stick your left foot out and do the hokey pokey and move it all aboat BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!! elmo is ruined and then they happily looked at a blackend half elmo... stick your right foot in stick your left foot ooooooout..... it died then the 2 evil bears cheered and yelled and sreamed and peter said BE QUIET!!! and he stepped on a burning chunk of elmo and screamed really loud and he passed out. he woke up in the emergency room bearly alive the two bears came to the hospital with flowers and they ate the flowers and spraypainted the word loser on their injured father and ran away but boris slipped and fell in the biohazard bucket and screamed ignacias went home not caring about boris and went home to look at some porn and the cat bit him wait we dont have a cat except dad fine... peter boris came home as a zombie no wait thats a mask but it scared the living shit out of ignacias and boris found what came out of his biohazard finger and it was a tapeworm punkrocker drug addict so he went back to the hospital to get it amputated and ignacias came and scared the docter and made him push boris in the scalpel bucket by accident ignacias went home not feeling to bad for boris he tripped over the mediforical cat and broke his head cursing and swearing at the cat an hour later peter came home and HE KICKED SO MUCH ASS!!!!!. and then joy life got destroyed and then rebuilt. and then all the honey in the world got eaten so boris went to the market to get some but it wasnt there very unlike last time all the honey in the world was eaten so he shouted NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! and then an old person stared at him and said boy were you dropped on your head? and then he walked away to buy some baby food and boris was so depressed so he went to a bacheler party and he knocked up a stripper and she beat the shit out of him. so he started drinking... ALOT! and he pissed himself. damn shit piss crap ass poooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ignacias said & the whole toy store can here it. ow. boris wanted to make twinkies Recipe: Twinkies Ingredients Non-stick spray 4 egg whites One 16-ounce box golden pound cake mix 2/3 cup water Filling 2 teaspoons very hot water 1/4 teaspoon salt 2 cups marshmallow creme (one 7-ounce jar) 1/2 cup shortening 1/3 cup powdered sugar 1/2 teaspoon vanilla Preparation You will need a spice bottle, approximately the size of a Twinkie, ten 12 x 14 -inch pieces of aluminum foil, a cake decorator or pastry bag, and a chopstick. Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Fold each piece of aluminum foil in half twice. Wrap the folded foil around the spice bottle to create a mold. Leave the top of the mold open for pouring in the batter. Make 10 of these molds and arrange them on a cookie sheet or in a shallow pan. Grease the inside of each mold with a light coating of non-stick spray. Disregard the directions on the box of cake mix. Instead, beat the egg whites until stiff. In a separate bowl combine cake mix with water and beat until thoroughly blended (about 2 minutes). Fold egg whites into the cake batter and slowly combine until completely mixed. Pour the batter into the molds, filling each one about 3/4 of an inch. Bake in the preheated oven for 30 minutes, or until the cake is golden brown and a toothpick stuck in the center comes out clean. cowFor the filling, combine salt with the hot water in a small bowl and stir until salt is dissolved. Let this mixture cool. Combine the marshmallow creme, shortening, powdered sugar and vanilla in a medium bowl and mix well with an electric mixer on high speed until fluffy. Add the salt solution to the filling mixture and combine. When the cakes are done and cooled, use a skewer or chopstick to make three holes in the bottom of each one. Move the stick around inside of each cake to create space for the filling. he made tinkies deliceous female reproductive organs. but they tasted really bad so boris ripped barbie's head off and ate it then roared in his anger and quietly pooted and snickered in delight. a giant shmo came & destroyed joy life & it got rebilt. ignacias decided he would go to the sea so he stole a plastic storage tub and taped a mast onto it. he then sailed miles and miles and miles and miles away from home in his 4 foot long kiddy pool. then he said aaaw crap i've been slightly moving in this tiny pool for hours! i need to see the REAL ocean. so he bought a dingy and stowed away on a cruise ship and sailed and sailed and sailed and he got REALLY severe sunburn and he shouted IT HUUUUUURTSSS!!!!!!. eventually he bumped into a island. it was called: isla de pooted. it stank like cow and dog doo. strangely boris was there having an orgy with the worshiping natives and ignacias was surprised and jealous at the same time. he wanted free exotic drinks and lots of womens womens? yeah thats a word and he wanted to be fanned and to have statues made in his honor. so he stabbed boris in the back so he would rule by conquest but it just pissed off the natives so they roasted ignacias. meanwhile at home peter just realised his S.O.B. sons where gone so he grew rocket feet and went to the island conviniantly knowing where they were and cleaned the native's clocks and took his sons home. angry with there B.S. peter sent them both to military school so they escaped but not before smuggling some army guns. and shot peter and he eventually became alive again. and the ocelot grew his rocket feet again to buy a case of beers from isla de pooted and flew home but he found out that this crappy tasting beer was redbull. ignacias was pigging up so much of the redbull that he grew a pair of wings and he was being an idiot and flew back to the island and found that the natives captured matt and raped her pulling her bunny ears. ignacias did not quite care so he joined the rape but those natives recognised him as the bad bear so they stuck there spears in him. boris was at home playing with mattie's ears and knives and remote control cars and fire and dolls... at 12 AM. and peter walked in his room and yelled GO TO SLEEP ! ! ! ! . and boris jumped in his bed quite freaked out and hid under the blanket. the next morning they had tuna chips for breakfast. and then boris bear walked to school and got conviently let in naked when all the other students (who are secretly an evil allience) had to get dressed boris grabbed his skateboard and road on the roof the princible came in armed with a submachinegun two cops and a SWAT unit came to back him up for such a dangerous mission of getting some kid erm bear off a roof with a safety ladder attached on it. and boris freaked out at the cops and was so destracted he fell off the flat sqaure roof and broke his arm on an open pipe he crawled through the large really wide pipe and found an air vent on the bottom of the dark dusty old pipe. he quietely opened the the air vent and spied on the students having an evil allience meeting their leader named danny who had a dorky emo haircut he always says he is not a stupid emo. because ignacias and boris make fun of him. anyway he said: we must find a way to learn how to possess people those F**king bears boris and ignacias will be bowing to us kissing our feet that would be great but how will we possess these abominatians?. another child with a orange and purple striped shirt white pants really short hair and black skin said: why dont whe just order a hypnosis set. danny replied: because every time whe get one whe use it on vicky who is the most popular girl in the whole school. what an excellent idea boris thought to himself i mean she is so damn hot for a human being. boris rubbed his broken leg and fell out the air vent and into the student meeting in there secret room they somehow made they looked at him with evil grins. danny said well well well look who is here that dead beat boris bear students sieze him!!! they charged him and tied him to a chair and interigated him. where is ignacias?! danny dammanded and then boris answered: dunno. cut the crap danny said tell me is your deadbeat brother is. boris answered: make me wrong answer danny said. children bring out vicky!!!!! ok a child said and opened a fancy big door and vicky walked out with swirly eyes vicky danny said your a bratty girl right? yessss massster. your boyfriend is cheating on you. What? EEEEEKK!!!!!! she cried. she kept on wailing until danny started snickering and offered her fluffy cakes (boris) and she ripped his head off danny offered boris a sewing kit if he says where ignacias is. the selfish bear agreed. he is at home in the second closet in his third bedroom the third one upstairs not the one in the secret passages playing a video game called republic commando. boris had been sewed up and gagged they also sewed up his broken arm witch relieved boris literally. and ignacias lost his game for the 40545th time. and finnaly got kidnapped. but he chewed a hole in the bag and escaped. shooting the students with a machinegun slitting their throats with his jagged knife tossing grenades fraggy and normal killing them all half the students at the whole school and ignacias had to go to the princible's office and the princible said blah blah blah blah im so angry at blah blah blah blah blah so mad blah blah blah blah yammer yammer yammer yammer yammer yammer blah blah blah blah and eventually he yelled so long ignacias the tough actually cried. the princible shot ignacias with an uzi. meanwhile at the student HQ danny brought out a voodoo doll from hypnosis kit and cut off a lock of boris's fur and stuck it to the doll and hypnotised boris temporrerelly. until someone dumps water on him. they made him into a super soldier. super soldier parts: a gun taped to his left hand a chainsaw taped to his right hand knee pads greaves enlargement from opposite washing machine o'matic. alot of exsercise. and some hypnosis. at peter's home ignacias wondered how the princible knew the students where dead. matt admitted it and ignacias shouted I HATE MY SISTERS peter came in and said no you like them! ignatius said F--K you! and shat on peters head. peter passed out (from the shock). ignatius took peters rocket feet and flew to school to kill teh principal.boris was ready. and was sent out to capture ignatius. ignatius had killed the princible with a chainsaw. boris had busted through the wall and captured ignatius. ignatius was taken to the student HQ. and ignatius got beaten up by danny as revenge for the torment he has caused until ignatius got punched in the stomach by super boris and the punch made ignacias barf on boris and boris snapped out of it and he stood silent until he said why the hell am i wering a tutu. ignacias answered because you love tutus. no i dont! said boris. ignacias laughed and boris said why am i with sir cries alot. I AM NOT A DAMNED EMO! ! ! ! ! . yes you are...sir cries alot he laughed and danny pulled out a revolver and shot boris full of led and boris shot danny wiith his taped on uzi danny died. and a student with red hair pulled out an M4 and shot boris some more and ignacias pulled the boy's head off and the two bears went home didnt do their test at all got an F each and peter was so angry he tore boris's nose off and they all lived happily ever after well sort of. THE END. Category:misc Category:books Category:the older ones